Wasn’t that a lot of fun when the Phoenix Suns were careening around the court, firing up three-pointers from every conceivable angle and finishing their fastbreaks with an assortment of jams so spectacular Smuckers would be impressed? That Steve Nash sure had it going, what with The Matrix on one side and Amare standing tall and talented in the middle. The NBA needed an antidote for its defensive slugfests, and a buck-twenty a night out in the desert was just the ticket.

So what if the Suns looked at defense as a necessary evil, rather than a way of life. Had the NBA cops not suspended Boris Diaw and Stoudemire for the fifth game of last year’s Western semis for stepping a couple feet onto the floor after Steve Nash was pile-driven into the scorer’s table – the sporting equivalent of getting a speeding ticket for going 56 mph – Phoenix would have likely subdued the Spurs, whipped the upstart Jazz and taken out the LeBrons in the Finals. That would have vindicated their high-speed approach. Conjecture? Maybe. But things were looking good until Judge Dredd handed down his sentences.

A year later, look at Phoenix. Better yet, avert your eyes, because the franchise is crumbling like a teenager’s alibi. And the Suns have no one to blame but themselves. And that doesn’t mean Mike D’Antoni, the team’s beleaguered coach. This one falls in the lap of GM Steve Kerr, who had the mid-season idea that the best way to combat the Spurs dynasty was to import a fat, broken-down, overpriced center and insert his sluggish backside into a sprint relay outfit. Brilliant! It didn’t take a gypsy to predict Shaq fit as well in Phoenix as those Stockton-era shorts did on him back when he could play. Phoenix stumbled during the regular season with Shaq clogging the middle and was dispatched quickly by the Spurs in the first round of the playoffs. And this is D’Antoni’s fault? Please.

Kerr’s main flaw was assuming that Shaq’s creaky knees and dwindling drive would be cured by restorative time in the desert with the crack Suns training staff, as if he were some overworked business executive in need of a spa weekend. Did Kerr think the Heat medical staff was headed by Theodoric of York? (For a great Theodoric transcript, click here: http://snltranscripts.jt.org/77/77rtheodoric.phtml. For a video taste, click here: http://www.truveo.com/Theodoric-of-York/id/3366775194.) After a couple weeks in Phoenix, Shaq made it sound like he was ready for the Ironman Triathlon. Hah! He looked more like an Edsel at the NHRA Summer Nationals. No sooner would he get out onto the break than the Suns would be heading the other way. In the halfcourt, he didn’t defend (he hadn’t done that for years) and could not rebound beyond his own standing reach. Once the NBA’s most entertaining team, the Suns became boring and ineffective.

Worse, Phoenix is on the hook for $20 mil per for the Big Roadblock – for two more seasons. Owner Robert Sarver entered the year worried about his team’s fiscal future because Shawn Marion wanted to get paid. Now, he owes Shaq big dollars, and there is no way the center is retiring early. Mired in an ugly divorce with spending habits that make Elton John seem penurious, Shaq needs his paycheck. And since he’ll be 37 next March, don’t count on any stunning revival. Meanwhile, Steve Nash is just nine months away from his 35th birthday and fading fast on the NBA point guard hit list. Chris Paul passed him in January, and Tony Parker zoomed past during the playoff series. Grant Hill is 50. Raja Bell turns 32 next fall. Once the NBA’s Red Giant, the Suns are headed toward White Dwarf status.

They’re still in better shape than the Mavwrecks, who crashed and burned against the Hornets, costing Avery Johnson his job. Too bad owner Mark Cuban can’t be fired, because he single-handedly ruined his franchise over the past couple years. The crowning blow was his idiotic decision to swap talented, young point man Devin Harris and burly DeSagana Diop for Jason Kidd, a mere shell of his former self. How bad was Kidd during the playoffs? Well, by game four, Mavs fans were wondering if Derek Harper could come out of retirement and play 20 minutes a night. Kidd has been praised as a consummate team player, but he has been exposed in Dallas as someone who doesn’t necessarily play well with others.

The bad news? Kidd’s back next year, at about $21 million, or $7 mil per assist. He’ll be surrounded by a dysfunctional outfit that includes Dirk Nowitzki, who ever since the Mavs blew that 2-0 Finals lead to Miami, has seemed more like Germany, circa 1946, rather than the ’41 edition, and Josh “Cheech” Howard, who has a rigorous off-season program planned that includes stamina-building bong hits and dexterity-inducing joint rolling. Avery Johnson should be thanking Cuban for firing him. Coaching that bunch next year in the shark-infested waters of the Western Conference is like trying to get DeShawn Stevenson to make some sense.

Meanwhile, the Lakers and Spurs are heading toward their inevitable Western finals meeting, having taken two different tacks to the same dominant position. Granted, the Lakers were blessed when Memphis GM Chris Wallace decided that trading an All-Star for nuclear waste was a good way to enhance his team. They also had the good fortune of meeting the Enver Nuggets in the first round of the playoffs. Halfway through the series, Carmelo Anthony accused his team of having no heart, a curious charge given that he’s on the national transplant list himself. Is there a more overrated player in the league than Anthony? Probably not. Nuggets coach George Karl looks like he doesn’t even want to make sarcastic comments any more, even though he promises to be tougher on his team next year. Translation: He’ll be fired by February. The good news? Forty-two shots a game next year for Allen Iverson.

The Spurs, meanwhile, are quietly excellent and in no need of franchise-exploding moves. Tim Duncan remains the game’s most reliable winner, Parker is just 25 years old, and Manu Ginobili realizes that team success is the object of the game. (He’s from Argentina, after all.) A San Antonio repeat might not help TV ratings, but it would again prove that shortcuts, selfish play and dumb trades don’t work in the NBA.

Maybe the Suns and Mavs have already learned that.

Maybe. . . .

EL HOMBRE SEZ: Times must be getting tough at the College Football Hall of Fame. Scheduled for induction later this year are former Ohio State coach John Cooper and former Notre Dame boss Lou Holtz. Cooper lost to Michigan so often he should be in the U-M Hall, and Holtz holds the distinction of being the only man ever to get four programs on probation. Congratulations, fellas!…Given the recent news that Arvin Edwards, the man accused of shooting three people outside a Vegas strip club, has said Pacman Jones “ordered” the shootings, the Cowboys have to feel great about their recent deal to acquire the cornerback. Even if Edwards is stretching the truth, Jones had a role in the mess, and that’s not going to make Roger Goodell too eager to take him off suspension. Good…A judge threw out a $5 million verdict an Alabama football fan won in a lawsuit that accused the NC2A of slander when it called him and others “rogue boosters,” “parasites” and “pariahs” while handing down 2002 probationary penalties. Guess that judge must be an Auburn fan. War Eagle!…China has begun its quest to improve air quality throughout Beijing by banning smoking in most public places. The Olympics will now be “smoke-free,” “human-rights-free,” and “independent-thought-free.” Let the Games begin. * * *